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How to Get Big Time Traffic on Your Website

04/22/09 12:54 pm CDT                                                                                                                Comments (1)

Successful Website Marketing for
Ultimate Success Time

How to Get Big Time Traffic on Your Website

Everybody is always talking about how internet based social networking, message boarding, blogging and micro blogging can be used to generate web traffic, but if you want to achieve ultimate website success like me you are going to have to get your site noticed not just in the digital world but in the real world.

Here’s an idea: cats.

Yeah, cats.  Adopt like 100 or so cats and put custom made cat sandwich board signs on them with your website’s uniform resource locator on it.  (That’s URL for you dunces out there.  Wise up.)  Then drop them off in a well populated place and let them walk back home.

Just think of it, people looking at your cats walking by and thinking “I wonder where that cat is going?  Hey, what’s that uniform resource locator on it?  I should go check it out on the world wide web via the Hypertext Transfer Protocol ” (HTTP you fucking clown!)

Here’s what you’ll need to get started:

  • 100 Cats (Adoption fees are usually about $50 per cat)
  • 100 custom made carbon fiber feline sandwich boards
  • 200 cans of  yellow tail tuna a day for the next 15 to 20 years (about 1,100,000 cans).  And don’t cheap out, buy the good stuff. The cats will know.
  • 10 acres of land within a mile or two from a major city
  • A “cat house” made from environmentally friendly natural materials
  • 1 in house full time veterinarian
  • 3 in house full time groomers
  • 5 in house full time feline masseuses
  • 7 full time house keepers
    • medical and dental benefits for all employees + retirement pension plans

It’s that simple.  See you at the successful people’s parties!

1 Comment

  1. I’m going to do this. I think it will be worth it. I know it will.

    Comment by Avalan — July 31, 2009 @ 8:49 pm

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