Sounds ominous, right? Well it is.
Supreme Summary of Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the 1979 one)
Since there’s a new Star Trek coming out I thought the Supreme Publication better do a summary of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the first Star Trek Movie, the movie that comes after this new one in the series.
So there’s this
clown cloud that’s coming at the planet and electrifies some other asshole spaceship so they know it means bizness. The folks say “Hey Kirk get on yer space boat, and fuck this thing the fuck up”. So then we look at the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 for a while sitting in it’s space dock. And then we look at it some more…and some more.
The transportor malfunctions and seriously fucks some people up. I think one of them may have been some idiot Volcon science officer who was trying to get Spock’s job.
Oh then there’s this bald chick who might be hot even though she looks like Mrs.Clean.
Spock finally shows up lookin like he just came from the Wild West of space.
Now everyone’s finally got their shit together and they’re off except they warp right into a god damn trippy ass worm hole! I’m pretty sure this part is for the audience members who are on drugs cause there are light trails coming off everything and when Chekov says “phhoooootttttooooonnnn tooooorrrrrpeeeeeeddoooooeeees aawaayyyyyy” it’s down right terrifying. Then they blow up the big rock of shit in the center of the worm hole and everything’s cool again.
They warp to the cloud. The cloud turns out to be some huge thing. They go in to it. More slow paced trippy shit goes on.
A lighting bolt thing comes onto the bridge and electrifies the bald chick, but she comes back then with a glowing thing in here neck and a weird voice cause she’s now machine-clone-probe-lady representing Vger who is the big thing.
Kirk, the bald clone-probe chick, and some people go out of the ship. They meet Vger. Hey look at that, Vger is actually a Voyager satellite who went through a blackhole ended up somewhere on the far side of the universe, got hooked up by some machine planet, become self conscious, decided to find it’s maker. (Too bad in all it’s intergalactic travels it couldn’t find a wet nap to clean off it’s name plate and figure out its own name.)
Anyway, so then the bald chick and the dad from “7th heaven” make out and disintegrate and so does Vger. Score.
Now you know the future.