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06/10/09 10:08 am CDT                                                                                                                Comments Off on INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION


When I get money there are gonna be a lot of new businesses starting up in town to cater to my needs.

For instance there’ll be a service where I can press the # button on my cell and within 20 seconds there’ll be a clown standing in front of me ready to get punched in the face. This will be useful for things like when I’m in the grocery store looking to buy some milk and I say to myself “Expires in 8 fuckin’ days! Are you fuckin’ shitting me?! Why the fuck can’t they get some milk in that will last more than a fuckin week?!” Then I press # and within the next 30 seconds I will have punched a clown in the face and all will be right in the world again.

This may not sound like it’s that big of a businesses but when you look at the logistics of having a clown hidden somewhere within 20 seconds of me at any given moment, day or night, no matter where I am, you can see how things get a little complex. Not to mention the clown dispatchers, cell phone programmers, and clown hiding specialists.

Oh and that’s just one part of it. If something really annoys me I can press *#*# on my phone. The first *# will send a pink convertible jam packed full of clowns. The second *# will dispatch a van full of vicious dogs, maybe even some wolves, trained to attack clowns. What’s nice about this is it’s something the entire community can enjoy: seeing a pink convertible full of clowns being attacked by dogs and wolves rolling down the street. It’ s patriotic.


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